It has been a rough few days here around the Chapman house. I probably brought it on myself but with good reason. On Monday I mentioned to Cart about maybe calling a few other agencies to see if they would take our profile to show to prospective birth parents. He thought it was a good idea. So with a referral I call an agency/lawyer. Got some information from the receptionist and found out before I could speak with the attorney that I would need to get our homestudy from the agency.
That my friends is where things got crazy. We completed the final step to our homestudy in February which is 6months ago. However, in that 6 months the actual homestudy write up hasn't been completed. I called our agency to speak with our SW and get her voicemail. Instead of leaving her a voicemail that probably wouldn't be returned I sent her an email. I asked when our homestudy would be complete and explained that we would like to give it to an agency along with our profile.
On Tuesday morning, I received an email back that basically said that we agreed to not work with any other agency. That the homestudy was only to be used by them. Apparently the $1800 wasn't for the homestudy it was for their fee. Who knows. She also implied that I would leave a birthmom hanging that we had been matched with to accept a child from another agency that is already born. That comment floored me. Apparently she doesn't think to highly of me.
I responded that for her to think we would do something that selfish is troublesome. I explained that we felt that we have the right to show our profile and homestudy to other agencies if we felt they weren't getting us the best exposure possible. They've stated several times in their mass update emails that things were slow and for some reason they weren't getting calls from the local hospitals anymore. They also have yet to put our profile on their website. So 6 months of no exposure.
After all that I was just in a rough place and had to go to work. Over the last several years I've worked with several pregnant women. It is no secret at my job that we are adopting and that we can't have children of our own. A few months back a girl transferred back to our location and she was pregnant. This girl has absolutely no sensitivity what so ever. When she split from her fiance she told me that she was going to give her baby to me. Then she proceeded to tell other staff that I told her I wanted her baby. WTF! Who says stuff like that. As her pregnancy has progressed she complains about how fat she is and how annoying it is to be pregnant. Through all of her complaining I've remained strong and just let it roll off my back. Because I can't control the world and their insensitivity. Then last night happened. I found out that she told staff that if she was having a girl she would have a trash baby. Meaning she would throw the baby in the trash. Then her complaining started and all her talk about her pregnancy. I blew a gasket and had to go outside and cry. I almost went off on her. But I bit my toungue because it is me who has to understand that I can't control the world even if I am having a bad day.
Adoption and Infertility wise it has been a rough few days.
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4 comments:
Ugh. Sigh. I'm so sorry. I remember how frustrating it can be communicating with the agency. Can you ask to speak to someone higher up on the food chain?
I also have had trouble communicating with our SW. She's as nice as can be but for some reason will not respond to my emails or phone calls. So frustrating! Like you said, you're paying for their services and if they aren't treating you well, you have the right to go elsewhere. I agree with Britney- try to talk to someone higher up if you can. Sorry it's been a rough week! I can't imagine working with someone who was as insensitive as that. I'm afraid I'd have to give her a piece of my mind. Praying for you!
Wow, what an insensitive person. I am so sorry you are going through all of this right now, Breen. Hugs.
The thing about some adoption social workers is that they are burned out quickly. So, they take it out on their clients.
However, I'm pretty sure of two things. Legally, they are supposed to have your homestudy done by the six month mark and you absolutly have a right to a copy of it. "Working" with other agencies is totally different from networking that includes sending your information to other agencies. If you were to get a lead from another agency, your agency would be involved in the process. I know it would feel like biting the hand that feeds you, but I would suggest that you seriously consider going above your sw's head. It's scary I know. Praying for you all.
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